Joe

Bruce: It's just going to be tramp day at the Daily Press. Pole dancing and prostitutes
Desk: Blah blah blah don't forget to reef to the package
Joe: Haw haw! Package!
CW: JOE GETS THE NASTY

Liz

Dee: Don't forget your cigarettes
Liz: Oh, that's the other pack
Dee: So you're double fisting?
Liz: Isn't the expression two-fisted?
Joe: Ugh, OH HO HO HO HO
Liz: That was you that made it dirty! Your sick mind!
Joe: Whatever

Joe

Liz: Did we run anything on Vic Chesnutt.
Joe: No. You should definitely put that in somewhere.
Liz: Right on.
Joe: And I should definitely not get the nasty card for that.
Liz: (lobs plushie)

Tracie

Dee: What is that noise? Is that something outside?
Tracie: No, just me, tossing my salad.

Liz

Fred: Blah blah blah something something 8-inch Heart of the Holidays promo
Joe: EIGHT INCHES? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THAT?
Liz: Lol lol lol. 8 inches.
Joe: Lol
Liz: (Touchdown hand gesture)

Liz

Joe: Melissa is a bit of a hoarder. If someone offers her something, she'll take it.
Liz: I should offer her some drywall and trim
Joe: Please don't
Liz: I think it's awesome that I just said I'd offer your wife some trim and you were, like, no
Joe: Oh, goody. I get to get rid of the nasty card now

Liz, then Felicia (double play)

Liz: (Pumps lotion vigorously, which then explodes all the way across the desk, hitting Felicia in the face)OMG, I'm so sorry.
Felicia: (If looks could kill)
Liz: (evil, slightly ashamed laugh) Next time I pump my lotion, I'll do it under the desk so it doesn't get all porny in here.
Felicia: I think you just need to take your top off and start tapping it.
Liz: !!!!
Liz & Felicia: LOL LOL LOL
Suzanne: Oh, boy.

Suzanne

Suzanne: You just shouldn't be sticking your fingers in orifices.

Allison

(in absentia)
Allison: Voters came in spurts all day ...
Joe: Voters did WHAT?
Sam: That must have been quite a mess.

CW

Charles: That's the thing that makes the porn sites come up.
CW: I wanna see!
Desk: LOL
CW: I wanna see that thing, not the porn sites.
Liz: Yeah, sure. That's totally what you said.

Romain

Romain: (working on the stocks pages and about to panic) !!!
Dee: Good timing, huh?
Romain: Yeah, I was just getting ready to get it on.

Sam

Sam: (upon reading an excellent headline)Guess he rubbed somebody the wrong way

Sam

Sam: (Noticing, for the very first time, the extra face in the infamous GWAR photo)Just think of the possibilities.

Liz

Nobody remembers exactly what, but it was gross.

ENTIRE DESK

I can't reproduce the dialog. But we had to put the nasty card in the middle of the desk because a conversation about lotion, tree trunks and nuts got out of hand.
We are suitably ashamed.

Undetermined (another first)

poll by twiigs.com

Dee (A first!)

Joe: I love that hot off the press smell.
Dee: I call it wet off the press.
Liz: But that sounds dirtier.
Dee: (Sassily) I know!
Dee: LOL [tries to swat away Nasty]

Liz

Joe: I rimmed the hell out of that shit.
Liz: That sounds dirty.
Joe: LOL
Liz: I'm just going to note that you keep the Nasty Card.
Joe: WHAT? You're the one who made that dirty. [Lobs Nasty}
Liz: I accept this under protest.
Liz: I guess this is the Nasty Card version of the Alford plea.

Joe

Liz: I want to get this Farm Fresh special with the buy-one-get-one bag of apples. Maybe 6 pounds of apples would finally be enough
Joe: Maybe you could get Colonel Aengus
Joe: [pause just a fraction of a second too long]
Joe: To make us an apple tart
Liz: I'm really glad that sentence didn't end before you said "apple tart."
Desk: [Awkard silence]
Felicia: Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Joe

Joe: This painting is called "In the Bush." Heh heh.
Felicia: Joe needs the Nasty Card.
Joe: I wasn't trying to be dirty. I just think bushes are funny.

Liz

Joe: XXX's out breaking her annual bone.
Pearl: Lol. I noticed that, too.
Liz: Oh, Joe. I've got some good annual bone jokes I'm sitting on ... Oh, wait ... whoops!
Joe: That goes on the Nasty blog.

Andi (her first!)

Liz: Is xxx inspecting his empire?
Dee: Yeah, he always does that on days he wears blue jeans. Did you ever notice that?
Liz: Frankly, no, I don't think I've ever looked at him from the waist down.
(beat ... beat ... beat)
Andi: Bwah ha ha ha ha ha! (Turns red)

Joe

Joe: Here look. Ginger chamomile.
Felicia: Mmmm.
Joe: Let me give you one because you're always giving me tea bags.
Felicia:
Joe: Oh, boy. Here we are teabagging over here.
Felicia:
Felicia: [Hands Joe the nasty card]

Liz

Joe: Hey guys, I'm really cold.
Felicia: Would you like to borrow my sweater?
Liz: Would you like to borrow my heater?
Joe: No, thanks. Those things make me too hot.
Liz: Would you like to borrow my jacket?
Joe: No ... I have hairy arms.
Liz: (looks across desk to verify hairiness) Or, hey you could just roll down your sleeves you big pussy.
Joe: No, I, because ... wait, what did you call me?

Liz

Joe: Could someone put their peepers on this page?
Felicia: I don't know about all that.
Liz: I thought only boys had peepers.
Joe: Look who's back? (chucks Nasty Card)

Amber

Liz: I have to leave early to meet my chemistry professor before class.
Amber: Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

Joe

Felicia: I really hurt my arm. I hope it's not broken.
Liz: I wonder if I broke a bone in my foot. I banged it like a month ago. It still hurts.
Joe: What did you do to your foot?
Liz: I banged it.
Joe:
Liz: What???
(Nasty card sails toward Joe's head.)

Suzanne

Joe: Ben & Jerry's is changing Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby to celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in Vermont.
Liz: (clap clap clap)
Suzanne: Wait, what?
Liz: It was Chubby Hubby, now it's Hubby Hubby
Suzanne: If it were Hubby Chubby, that would be bad!
Desk: LOL!
Liz: Bad as in awesome!
Joe: Baaaaaaaad.

Bruce

Liz: But what is X doing touching people?
Bruce: Did you say X was touching himself?

Desk: Lol, discussion of X behind his back.

Bruce: (Mumbling) That ain't sailor moon.

Joe

Joe: I want to do a Cornish hen
Joe: Well not *do* a Cornish hen

Felicia

Joe: (on phone with TV book person, talking about downloading a file) ... but when I unzip it manually
Felicia: LOL
Joe: ... blah blah blah ... I unzip it manually ... blah blah blah unzip
Felicia: LOL. Maybe I should go somewhere else for a while.

Suzanne

Liz is playing with her admittedly annoying yodeling pickle toy in front of a preschool-age visitor to the desk.
Felicia: What are you doing?
Suzanne: Quit hitting your pickle!
Felicia: [raised eyebrow]
Liz: [silent, shaking laughter]
Suzanne: LOL!

Joe and Suzanne

Desk: [Rattles off a series of absurd dolphin-related potential headlines]
Joe: Dolphins are mammals, right?
Liz: Lol. Hey guys, dolphins are mammals, right?
Joe: How about, hey check out those blow holes!
[Joe catches, dances with nasty card]
... Later ...

Desk, but primarily Joe: [more painfully bad dolphin-related potential headlines]
Suzanne: Dolphins blow holes!

Liz

Bruce: Hey, you know that place -- the Chicken Bones Wing Grill ...
Desk: ???
Bruce: Chicken Wings Chicken Bones. You know what I'm talking about!
Desk: WTF LOL
Bruce: You know, Wild Wings
Desk: Oh, right of course. Chicken Bones = Wild Wings
Bruce: Chicken Bones would be a good name for a restaurant. It means you ate it all.
Suzanne: Let's go out for some Wild Bones!
Liz: Or some Wild Boning! [goes long to receive Nasty Card]

Sean

[Joe is drooling over some food porn, desk wonders what's taking so long]
Sean: I think he's (airquote) making copies (airquote).
Desk: LOL LOL
Joe: What's so funny?
Felicia: Your FACE!
Desk: LOL LOL LOL

Joe

Joe: Lol
Desk: What?
Joe: Unfortunately, I can't get more head in.
Desk: Lol

Felicia

Felicia: [Writing on a proof] I think we need more head
Felicia: Lol
Joe: Oooohhhh, somebody give Felicia the nasty card.

Dennis

(Looking at pictures of Michael Vick's fiancee's shoes)
Suzanne: Check out her rides
Dennis: He's her ride
Newsroom: Ooooohhhhh!

Felicia

Liz: My hands are really itchy. I think I must be allergic to something.
Felicia: Maybe you should wipe down your area really well.
Liz:
Felicia:
Liz and Felicia: LOL LOL LOL