Liz

Joe: Melissa is a bit of a hoarder. If someone offers her something, she'll take it.
Liz: I should offer her some drywall and trim
Joe: Please don't
Liz: I think it's awesome that I just said I'd offer your wife some trim and you were, like, no
Joe: Oh, goody. I get to get rid of the nasty card now

Liz, then Felicia (double play)

Liz: (Pumps lotion vigorously, which then explodes all the way across the desk, hitting Felicia in the face)OMG, I'm so sorry.
Felicia: (If looks could kill)
Liz: (evil, slightly ashamed laugh) Next time I pump my lotion, I'll do it under the desk so it doesn't get all porny in here.
Felicia: I think you just need to take your top off and start tapping it.
Liz: !!!!
Liz & Felicia: LOL LOL LOL
Suzanne: Oh, boy.

Suzanne

Suzanne: You just shouldn't be sticking your fingers in orifices.

Allison

(in absentia)
Allison: Voters came in spurts all day ...
Joe: Voters did WHAT?
Sam: That must have been quite a mess.